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I'm having so much trouble getting going today. I've been awake for quite a while, but I just lay in bed for a long time, blanket over my head, shutting out the day that was moving on without me. I'm in a bit of a funk today - just stuff.
Dublin (my cat, for the few who don't know about him :) ) went to me & we shared a little bit of lovin's - headbutts & cheek rubs from him, & pats & strokes from me. He left the bed & I slowly got up to do my thing. There in my bedroom doorway was Dublin. He saw me & flopped on the ground. We share more affection before he got up & dashed off to another part of our home.
Now I'm sitting in the living room trying to get the energy to do something, but it's not working very much. Oh, I can't stand it when depression does this! *sigh!!* I will be fine, & sharing about it helps a little.
Dublin's currently outside. I have a harness that I put on him when he wants to go outside. This way he can get out when he wants, as long as the family who lives upstairs isn't outside (he doesn't like dogs or small children, & there're both up there), when it's light outside. Letting him out boosted my mood a bit - it's amazing how doing things for others can help a lot.
I don't have chemical depression. Rather, mine's situational, in which I focus on what's going on in my life & I let the bad stuff get me down so much that the weight of it bears down on me more than I feel that I can handle sometimes. I don't have enough work right now to pay my bills or to meet other needs, & I'm feeling super stuck. It's been so long since I've made more than enough money, & it's been hitting me again lately. I never get to the point where I want to end it all, but I do have a strong desire to just grab Dublin & take off somewhere without letting anyone know where I'm going. I couldn't do that to my family or friends, though. I know they'd worry like crazy, & I couldn't purposely put anyone through that.
It's gonna be one of those days, though, in which I'll be fighting my mood & struggling to do even the most basic of things that need doing today. This fight is worth it, though. I will make it through, & I'll keep on with what I need to do.
I just had to share because I know that I'm not alone in this & because sharing helps to lighten the load.
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