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I'm not even going to comment on my weight gain. I am not avoiding it, but rather than dwell on how it's made me feel, I'm going to accept that I stuffed up, and ask myself why - then deal with it and remedy it.
Why? Because I had ANOTHER night time binge. Why? Because my b/f has been a bit too 'cheeky' for words lately, and although it's relatively harmless, it's not acceptable, because it's a complete double standard thing. What he does in terms of flirting is not desirable but not going to be the end of a loving relationship, however; if I even THOUGHT some of the things he DOES he'd go absolutely crazy. This is not at all sitting well with me. So we argued on the phone. His way to avoid the topic is to get verbally abusive towards me. When he started arguing the fact that I was cooking for him??? I knew he was not in a happy place (with himself) AT ALL, and gosh, don't we just hate it when someone else is there to point it out. That's because when what we were fine avoiding (knowing we've been 'naughty' and no one likes to know that they're doing a wrong) suddenly becomes something unavoidable, the person who wants to 'remind' us of our 'wrongdoing' is the person we will hate.
Gosh, he has much to learn. And so do I. Difference is, I have the wisdom to accept that this is the underlying reason for human behaviours and actions. Difference also is, I have enough sense to see that these night time 'fun' phone conversations with him ALWAYS lead me back to bulimia. I can also see - because by looking at yourself first is the first step into humbling yourself, accepting your own errs and the first step towards doing something about them.
So he's avoiding what he doesn't want to deal with? Well who am I if I can't say the same about myself. What is binge eating anyway? IT's a deterrent from an issue we don't want to address. Why? For some reason the feelings I have towards it all, and him are feeling I am desperate to avoid.
I'm better off asking myself first, "What just happened isn't nice, so how do you really feel about it? Now lets find a way to sort it out so you can face it head on, and deal with it in a more productive manner."
And that's exactly what I'm going to do. In fact I think a break from him for a while (maybe 4 or 5 days) is exactly what the doctor would order for me. It may sound a little dramatic but to even block him for a few days from contacting me by phone is probably the best remedy.
We've even had another argument today, but I'm going to do some exercise now - get those feel good endorphins buzzing around my body, instead of tension, anxiety, anger - 'poisonous' vibes really.
Tomorrow is another day, in fact the rest of the day is still clear from mistakes or bad handling on my part.
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53,7 kg
Bugüne kadar kayıp: 0 kg.
Geriye kalan: 3,7 kg.
Diyet Takibi: Uygulanamaz.
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Haftada 25,9 kg alıyor
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